SPACE – What was I Thinking?

By all appearances, Mission: Space appears like any other thrill ride in EPCOT. What most folks don’t know is that it is the most evil, diabolical experience Disney could at any time make up.

It seemed harmless plenty of. Even inviting.

Thanks to the liquid courage we eaten at the Mexico pavilion, we overlooked all the warnings. None of us was pregnant, we were being at the very least this tall, we didn’t have identified coronary heart ailments, and many others. We were being on a mission to, nicely, House.

They had Inexperienced (a lot less intense) and Orange entrances. My spouse and I did the Inexperienced experience a several a long time back, and it was delicate and pleasurable. How much worse could the Orange experience be? The two colours are virtually following to every single other on the colour wheel. So it appeared harmless adequate. Fueled by one particular-margarita mind, we headed for Orange. We didn’t trouble looking at the safeguards.

The Orange ride operates on a blend of a centrifuge that spins the crew and a movement simulator that tilts the crew. So it not only spins but it tilts. A recipe for disaster. I did not know this. I never care for the Mad Tea Social gathering journey for the reason that of the spinning. In my protection, the Green trip does not spin.

In any case, there we were. 4 of us. Just the right quantity that was essential to fill out our crew. It was my older and equally favorite daughter, her spouse, my younger and similarly favourite daughter’s spouse (my young and equally favorite daughter was expecting and was intelligent plenty of to study the indicators) and myself. We were being the quintessential crew for a daring space mission worthy of theatrical launch. We experienced a crotchety previous astronaut on his previous mission, two up-and-coming engineers with agendas of their possess, and a female decided to make a title for herself and demonstrate her gender extra than able in a male-dominated profession.

We climbed in, fixed our harnesses (“harness”…that should’ve been our 1st clue), they shut the hatch (right after supplying just one more prospect to escape), and we settled in for the pre-flight briefing by none other than Gary Sinise as our Capcom director.

We are all assigned roles and offered tasks. Commander, pilot, navigator, engineer. Normally, I was the commander.

All that was still left was the countdown and then blast off.

We were being suddenly hit with the most rigorous feeling of inner pressure I have at any time felt. It was a feeling so foreign that it is hard to explain. I was confident that my lesser important organs experienced liquified. It felt like anyone experienced forced air into my sinuses. I imagined my head would explode.

Don’t forget these obligations we have been all assigned? We experienced to press buttons at certain times to progress our ship. I struggled to transfer my arms to hit the buttons when my time came. My daughter was to my suitable. It came her switch to drive a button. It was for a thruster or booster rocket or flux-capacitor or some this kind of matter. When the sign was given…nothing. The signal was specified once more. However nothing at all. I glanced more than and she was frozen to her harness and wasn’t moving.

Summoning all intestinal fortitude to pry my hand from my have harness, I attained about and pushed the button for her. If that button didn’t get pushed when prompted we would’ve crashed. It would’ve been in all the papers.

My daughter later told me that she was way too active searching for an eject button that would start her by way of an opening in the ceiling and then she would be gently parachuted down into the Environment Showcase Lagoon.

There was one particular reward act of distress. We landed. Or did we? The ship commenced to shutter and prior to we understood it we have been heading in excess of a cliff. But eventually, our ship did settle and we ended up greeted and congratulated by Director Lieutenant Dan.

Right after the experience had mercifully finished, we could not get out quick enough. As we still left, I glanced at the warning signage yet again and observed the “V” word. If I experienced noticed that word whilst walking in I would’ve walked out. Vertigo. I’ve experienced identified vertigo twice. The to start with time I did not realize what was occurring and imagined I was heading to die. The second time was additional than 11 several years in the past and to this working day, for the reason that I’m so fearful of acquiring hit again, I have treatment inside uncomplicated reach where ever I go. If vertigo strike me on this experience, I would’ve been on the ground hugging the pavement due to the fact the rest of the planet would be tilting like a scene from Inception.

I also would’ve most possible observed my lunch from the Mexico pavilion for a next time that working day.

Vertigo is critical stuff. People may possibly feel they have it but they definitely do not. If you are one particular of people men and women who stands up as well promptly, gets lightheaded and claims, “oh I have vertigo,” we in the vertigo local community just want to smack you. You don’t have vertigo.

This crotchety outdated astronaut has flown his final mission. And with his dignity intact. Hardly.

So if you’re sure and decided to go on Mission: Place and do it by using the Orange entrance, my only recommendation is to stop by the Mexico pavilion first. You are gonna will need it.